Jai Guru Ji..
My hands are trembling as I write this satsang after 2 years on my blog. Last two years had been very very traumatic for me and my family. I lost by twin sister husband to Covid in June 2021 and we are still shattered. Every piece of our being was reduced to crumble. Had not recovered from this and I lost my father to advanced stage cancer in June 2022, just after a year!!
I won't stay that my faith was shaken but I would like to admit that after all this, everything seemed irrelevant. Praying, going to mandir, listening to satsangs, attending satsangs or even having conversation with Guruji; everything seemed not so important. I felt guilty at times and still feel the same but my inner being refuses to accept that why did it happen to our family. We have been good all throughout our life, have always prayed and believed in God, followed almost all Vachans of Guruji, read holy books; then why?? Why couldn't Guruji save both of them. And why did it happen to purest of souls?
I went to GK Mandir last week in the evening. As usual both the outside and inside gates were closed. I closed my eyes, folded my hands and spoke to Guruji. I said "Guruji, I sometimes feel guilty of not connecting to you the way I used to connect earlier and I still don't know what to say. If you feel that the connection is still there, then please open the inside door for me. This is not a test of you as I know that you can do anything. It is a test of me to see if I am still worthy of your pure connection. I promise I will try to pray as I used to do earlier". I was reciting Mantra Jaap in my mind. I opened my eyes after10 seconds and the Mandir inside door was entirely open with Guruji Sinhasan and swaroop in its full glory. I started trembling. There was no sound of door opening by anyone. For 3-4 minutes I kept standing there and talking to Guruji from outside. Then a sevadaar aunty came from inside, looked at me and closed the door.
I still have not got any answers from Guruji nor I am trying to seek much answers now. I just know one thing that He is always with me and my family and whatever happened was as per His will. He listens to everyone and the connection from his side will always be strong.
Jai Guruji
